Dieters Prayer

Woman Eating Celery Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
Incited by my wicked diet.

“We are what we eat,” said a wise old man!
And, Lord, if that’s true, I’m a garbage can!

I want to rise on Judgment Day, that’s plain,
But, at my present weight, I’ll need a crane.

So grant me strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol!

At margarine I’ll never mutter
For the road to hell is paved with butter.

And cream is cursed, and cake is awful,
And Satan lurks in every waffle!

Give me this day my daily slice,
But cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujubes please!

And when my days of dieting are done,
And my war with Snickers bars is won,

Let me stand with the heavenly throng,
In a shining robe…size seven, long!

I can do it, Lord, if you’ll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise…
Of pasta a la Milanaise, potatoes a la Lyonnaise…

And crisp-fried chicken from the south…
Lord, if you love me… shut my mouth

Author Unknown

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