1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and popsicles.
Twas the month after Christmas
And all through the house
Nothing would fit me,
Not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled,
The eggnog I’d taste.
All the holiday parties
Had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
There arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals
The gravies and sauces
And beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls
The bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said
“No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself
In my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again
To do battle with dirt …
I said to myself
As I only can
“You can’t spend a winter
Disguised as a man!”
So … away with the
Last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake
Every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food
That I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces
I won’t have a cookie
Not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew
On a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits
Or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot
And quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome
And life is a bore …
But isn’t that what
January is for?
Unable to giggle
No longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and
To all a good diet!
Choose a diet that fits your lifestyle and you won’t be doomed to disguise yourself as a man … Or to eat food you don’t like …
Believe in yourself! You can lose weight without feeling like the author of this poem obviously did!
Read Diet Reviews Now and next January you won’t feel such gloom.
Technorati Tags: Diet Poems
If you’ve started out in pursuit of your goal
And you’ve really tried with your heart and your soul,
but somehow things got out of control—
When you’ve tried your best to do what you should
And you thought this time that you surely would,
But once again, you didn’t do good—
When you’ve worked so hard to follow a dieters way
And you fought to win a victory each day.
But one more time you went astray—
When you’ve tried so hard to yourself to be true
And do the things that you know you should do,
But once again you failed to come through—
When the road to success seemed much too long
And each temptation was oh so strong
And once again you gave in to wrong—
When you’ve told your friends what you planned to do
And trusted them to help you through
But soon discovered it’s up to you—
When you know you must be physically fit,
But your hope seems gone and you’re stuck in a pit
That’s not the time for you to quit—
When the week seems long and successes few
And at weigh-in time you’re feeling blue,
Remember tomorrow is just for you—
To start again means a victory’s been won
And starting over again means a race well run
And starting over again proves it can be done
So don’t just sit there—
Read the poem below entitled
“Only One Pound Of Fat”
I beleive it will encourage you.
You put on each and every extra pound you have ONE at a time.
So you should be thrilled each time you lose a pound of fat.
Print it out and hang it on your fridge, cupboard….
Wherever it will help you to stay motivated on your weight loss journey!
Only One Pound of Fat
Hello! Do you know me?
If you don’t, you should.
I’m a pound of fat.
And I am the happiest pound of fat
that you would ever want to meet.
Want to know why?
It’s because no one ever wants to lose me.
I’m only one pound, just a pound!
Everyone wants to lose …
three pounds, five pounds, or fifteen pounds,
but never only one.
So I just stick around and happily keep you fat.
Then I add to myself, ever so slyly,
so that you never seem to notice it.
That is until I’ve grown to …
ten, twenty, thirty or even more pounds in weight.
Yes, it’s fun being only one pound of fat,
left to do as I please.
So, when you weigh in,
keep right on saying,
“Oh, I only lost one pound.”
(As if that were such a terrible thing)
For you see, if you do this,
you’ll encourage others to keep me around
because they’ll think I’m not worth losing.
And, I love being around you …
your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips
and every part of you.
After all, I’m only one pound of fat!!!
Here’s a short little poem called MOTIVATION. I hope you enjoy it.
Thought it may be short, it holds the key to weight loss success!
Make short term goals
Out with the negative thoughts
Think of why you want it
Imagine how you will feel
Visualize the future you
Acknowledge your successes
Treat yourself with respect
Investigate new ideas and foods
Observe your healthy lifestyle
Never give up and never give in
Technorati Tags: Diet Poems
Here are a few fun diet quotes that I wanted to share with you. While losing weight it’s important to keep your sense of humor.
Fun Diet Quotes by favorite characters …
How long does getting thin take?
Winnie the Pooh
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
Jim Davis – Garfield
Seconds count – especially when dieting
More fun diet quotes …
I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short.
The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.
Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.
One should eat to live, not live to eat.
Cicero, Rhetoricorum LV
To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.
Fun diet quotes with unknown authors …
(Please let me know if you know who the author is.)
I’m in shape. Round is a shape… isn’t it?
We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.
Your stomach shouldn’t be a waist basket.
Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
I’m on a seafood diet … I see food and I eat it.
A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.
You can’t lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me
People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
I hope that you realize that even though the quotes are fun and cute that they also hold some valuable motivational value (and truth) in them.
Technorati Tags: Diet Quotes
Pounds of Protection
My pounds of protection
Oh how strong they seem
They keep me safe from fear
And anything remotely mean
But pounds of protection
Have a stronger place you see
They also keep me hidden
From being the real me
Pounds of protection that
Have gotten me this far
Kept me in a distant place
Traveled by no horse or car
For pounds of protection
Are good in certain ways
But carrying it on my body
Keeps it in the wrong place
Are you keeping your pounds of protectionfor a reason?
Isn’t it about time you let them go and start living?
You are a beautiful wonderful human being and deserve nothing but the best!
Make a decision right now to shed those unwanted pounds. Read our Honest Diet Reviews now.
Plant Your Weight loss Garden Today
Plant 3 rows of peas:
Politeness (to yourself)
Plant 3 rows of squash:
Squash criticizing yourself
(for making human mistakes)
Plant 3 rows of lettuce:
Let Us be caring to ourselves
Let Us start making little steps towards our goals
Let Us be a person who tries
With 4 rows of turnip:
Turn up with Positive Thoughts
Turn up with s Smile
Turn up with a Vission
Turn up with Determination
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
Incited by my wicked diet.
“We are what we eat,” said a wise old man!
And, Lord, if that’s true, I’m a garbage can!
I want to rise on Judgment Day, that’s plain,
But, at my present weight, I’ll need a crane.
So grant me strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol!
At margarine I’ll never mutter
For the road to hell is paved with butter.
And cream is cursed, and cake is awful,
And Satan lurks in every waffle!
Give me this day my daily slice,
But cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujubes please!
And when my days of dieting are done,
And my war with Snickers bars is won,
Let me stand with the heavenly throng,
In a shining robe…size seven, long!
I can do it, Lord, if you’ll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise…
Of pasta a la Milanaise, potatoes a la Lyonnaise…
And crisp-fried chicken from the south…
Lord, if you love me… shut my mouth